I like to read my old diaries when I have a little spare-time. Why? To keep the honorable ideas and thoughts of my past alive.
Stupid as that may sound… I’ll try to explain:
I had a great sense of justice and a desire for greatness when I was 16.
I like to pride myself with thinking that I have the same things now… but I think that the yearning for these things was stronger a few yeas ago.
I kept diaries (though I called them notebooks) through my teens, and from time to time I now look through them to recall these feelings of greatness and collective responsibility.
Because now I have far more abilities to make a change for the better. And I will.
The feelings of honor, global responsibility, making a change etc. were stronger then because now my mind is focused on getting my kids through life, cooking, washing, caring for them. Which is a good thing to do.
But I want to teach my kids a certain sense of greatness, too, not only the how-to-struggle-through-everyday-life-thingy. And this is why I recall these „old“ feelings, which are still there, inside myself, but buried underneath more mondane things (paying bills, feeding kids…).
I wouldn’t want my 16 year old me looking at my 23 year old me, thinking „Oh, what a bore, content with these simple little things, plotting what to cook and who to visit.“
I want the 16 year old me looking at my 23 year old me, saying: „I want to be like you. You have the power that I yet lack, and you are doing the things I can only dream of.“