(the cubs again)

Update:
C. (big one): counts to ten for fun (without parental animation), loves her new slide, play-pretends to cook, serve and eat food, dances like mad, sings using her wooden crocodile as a guitar, wants to learn how to use chopsticks, is very fond of “Princess Pia” (the book).
A.(small one): has two teeth, eats the same food as the rest of the family (minced, of course), still loves breast-feeding, can sit upright, eats every piece of paper she can get hold of (which is a lot although I hide all I can find), crawls fast, giggles in a way that fills your heart with joy.

What else can I do besides avenge you?

What else can I do, besides avenge you?

…and the sorrow overflowing form the scar which can not be erased
I swore that I would never forget it.
I’ll flap my broken wings and erase it all you’ll see
(…)
The last smile wavered, and disappears. And
the warmth is all that’s left.
Your kind and gentle words can’t heal me now
This body’s only dedicated to the neverending fight.

Because everyone returns to heaven, someday
You’ll never need to say goodbye.

(Gackt: Redemption. )

…

Heute habe ich mich dabei ertappt, in meinem Arbeitszimmer vergnügt “A-B-C, die Katze läuft im Schnee” zu singen. Allein. Umgeben von Gesetzbüchern.

Welcome to the Schlussmitluschentum.

das Schlussmitluschentum

Liste von Dingen, die gerade sehr amüsant zu tun wären, aber leider luschig sind:

Ein Buch schreiben
ein anderes Buch schreiben
zum Ikea fahren und ein paar notwendige Sachen kaufen (”notwendig” im Sinne von praktisch, aber wir existieren problemlos auch ohne sie)
Bilder aufhängen
Fotos entwickeln – das Unternehmen XX zwingen, die Fotos endlich rauszurücken
das sogenannte Taekwondozimmer von einem Abstellraum in ein Taekwondozimmer verwandeln
home-decoration (Blumen, Tagesdecken etc)

… oh, sch* drauf, ich geh jetzt das Taekwondozimmer verwandeln. Morgen ist dann der Tag des Schlussmitluschentums.

zwei untere Schneidezähne sind durch!!!!
(Baby-A’s erste Zähnchen…)

Today C. kissed me on the cheek for good nights, and then she ran to her baby-sister, hugging her and joyfully crying “nii-ight!”. She was happy to go to bed. You know. Happy. To go to bed. Because she knew each and every step. The ninna-nana (Italian lullabys) CD playing while she draws something or builds something. The good-nightstory read by me. A. taking her hand, goodnight kisses and off to the bathroom. A. brushes her teeth (she brushes them herself first, but can’t yet do it only on her own ), helps her when she puts on her jammies and then they cuddle in our big bed.

My life is so much more beautiful now.

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
Why would I want to look hot in the grocery-store?

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
No. Too much of an effort.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
I got a few fanmails (by women) who thought that my writing made me interesting or made them realize something deep. I can’t say I liked getting these e-mails as I spent hours wondering about what to write back…. if you were life-changing to someone – sure you owe her at least a few words?
Anyway they were neither creeps nor dorks.

4. Do you lie in your blog?
If I did, why would I not lie in this meme as well?
I guess I don’t lie, but I don’t share anything of importance either. No deep feelings, no hard problems, no family-tragedy, no town-gossip, no work-stories..

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
I’m too old for passive-aggressiveness expressed in writing.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?

No. But I thought about quitting because blogging is time-consuming. Then I decided that spending maybe an hour per week with blogging (blogposting, checking comments, visiting other blogs) is quite ok.

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?

No. I for myself think I can cope with myself, my surroundings, my past and all. And I don’t believe in therapy as a solution to problems in general. Most problems require action instead of talk (and talking to friends is an important alternative as well). By which I don’t mean that psychology is fake. If one of your basic feelings is help- and hopelessness a therapy might a good idea.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
I don’t get mean comments, but sure I’d delete them.

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?

More. I’m more interesting than my blogging-self.

11. Do you have a job?
Ph.d. And kids.

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
Not my idea of a good job. Screen-light, not inter-human communication. I’d rather be paid for writing newspaper-articles or books than for blogging but even that is not my idea of a great job (though of course I’d like to get a literary book published one time).
I’m very happy about the carreer possibilities law-school offers.

13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life?
… I only read blogs of people I know. I’d like to meet everyone of them )

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
Realistic.

16. Does your family read your blog?
A. does from time to time.

17. How old is your blog?
2? Maybe more.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
No. No.

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?
I started one with the intent to write sad poetry and sad fml-stories, but never really used it.

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
No. I once bought a paper-story by a young artist/beggar/hustler because I thought it a smart way to ask for a few bucks. Couldn’t read the illogical, grammar lacking dirty story and dumped it in the wastepaperbasket when he was out of sight.

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
If I earned any I would.

22. Is blogging narcissistic?

Not necessarily.

23. Do you feel guilty when you don’t post for a long time?
No. Obviously my life needed more ttention than my blog.

24. Do you like John Mayer?

Who?

25. Do you have enemies?
I guess I’m going to make one.

26. Are you lonely?

No.

27. Why bother blogging?

To keep track of what I’ve seen, read, done.
To share and express these things.
To share ideas and trivia.
And stuff about being a mother that I’d like to share. Bascially my awe about the kids (like new teeth, crawling-abilities or cuteness)

(… our choices far more than our abilities….)

Do you know that it feels terrible if someone else has hurt someone close to you? And not only because of the pain of the person close to you…. it also hurts because of the wrong-doing of the other person. The wrong-doing itself hurts. Strange thing to feel.